Hi all!
As many of you know, Matt and I finally made the big move from Chicago back to Gainesville. We are thrilled to be in our new home, spending time with our Gainesville family, and unpacking boxes in between getting our little monster on a sleep schedule. I will be back as soon as there is a bit of normalcy in my life. Until then, be well!
-Eva
This Monday’s Mirror is a little darker, a little deeper. Many of you may have already seen this video and heard this story (as it went viral on Facebook a few months ago), but it still pulls me in to my own pain and, and invites me to accept and work towards healing a little more each time that I view it. As someone who was teased and bullied for being too skinny, too “white”, too sensitive (cry baby), being poor, bald headed, nappy headed, I have learned that while I know all to well the pain of being tormented by words, I must in turn, be mindful of the pain that I often subconsciously cause from my own brokenness. Hurt people hurt people.
This mirror reflects not only my own pain, but the pain that I inadvertently inflict on others.
What does this mirror reflect in your life?
Erykah Badu had no shame when she wrote that lyric , and it makes me smile every single time I hear it. The findings for a study regarding the effects of bra wearing were released recently and the conclusions are blowing minds. As someone who did not start wearing bras until my junior year in high school (yeah, you read right. 90 % because I had nothing to hold up, 10% because I was a budding (oh gosh, no pun intended) feminist). I hate wearing bras. Even to this day, I hate them! And it’s not because I have ill fitting bras (I was THE bra fitter at Gap Body! Ta huh!). I just hate the way they feel and tug, and smash and push up and compress.
I know y’all ain’t gone read the article so here’s one of my favorite youtubers giving it to you in 2 minutes. If you don’t know Mama Natural, you should really follow her! She’s amazing. I even contacted her regarding some advice for Chi and she responded in a very thorough, friendly, ‘we’ve known each other forever, girl’ kinda way.
What are your thoughts? Will you ditch the boob cups, ladies?
Thought I forgot, didn’t you! Don’t doubt, dear friend!! 
I will vary the source of these entries, but when I found this video, I knew I wanted to share it on my blog. This story is so refreshing and beautiful. I hope that this young girl and her words, determination, purity, passion, sensitivity, and engagement in the world around her motivates you this Monday.
After watching this video several times, I am so amazed by the wisdom and maturity this child possesses. This story definitely pulls at my love for teaching/mentoring and helping little chocolate girls tap into their potential as world changers.
:Blows dust off of blog:
Hey guys!
:watches tumbleweed roll:
I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve updated, and I need to do better. I’ve been so wrapped up in surviving learning how to be a mom to a baby that has so many needs (love, attention, occasional baths, arms to sleep in, boobs, pureed freaking awesome creations, rhyming songs, fingers to gnaw on, parents to pee on, etc.) that I’m barely making it y’all. Barely. making it. If you don’t believe me, swing by my house so that you can peep the chinchillas stretching across my FACE. I used to call them eyebrows.
In an effort to get back to my blog, which I greatly enjoy, I will be adding a few installments each week, the first of which, is Monday’s Mirror. (Oh Lord Jesus, I hope I can stay committed to this!)
The idea behind Monday’s Mirror is twofold. The first is to inspire and motivate.
“After a weekend spent with my family, I feel refreshed, relaxed, and ready for Monday! I just LOVE Mondays and the freshness of the new week. The typical 2 day weekend is the perfect amount of time to rejuvenate me.”-Says NO ONE, EVER!
If you’re like me, you need a firm kick in the derrière to get your butt out of bed come Monday. Once you’re out of bed, the last thing that you want is to do anything that involves speaking, blinking, seeing others, or having anyone or anything depend on you. Mondays suck.
On Mondays especially, I need to know that whatever I am called to do, it is worthy and conducive to positive change. I need to know that I am not being a waste of space. I need to be assured that I am being the change that I wish to see. (I’on know who said that. I thought it was Ghandi. I think I’m wrong.) Nowadays, when I’m moonwalking across the floor to entertain my baby boy, or pretending that I’m asleep while he crawls on me, only to sneak attack him with kisses (that ends in laughter and drool everywhere), it’s hard to remember that what I’m doing, as a mom, nurturer, the most powerful educator that he will have, it is worthwhile and good. So, when I read, or see, or remember the good things in the world; sons and daughters who are changing this world after being strengthened by their mothers who questioned their work’s value; men and women who are mending the wounds of their own hearts by loving lavishly on forgotten children; artists who take their rightful places alongside of God, creating and uncovering beauty, depth and meaning in the world; when I see those things, I am inspired.
The second goal for Monday’s Mirror more closely ties into the name. My desire is to help others to see themselves in the ordinary people that create extraordinary change. Simple.
So, without further ado, here is Monday’s Mirror. Feel free to leave your thoughts/reactions in the comment section. I would love to know if these postings are serving their purpose.
Before being a mama, I had plenty of friends with kids. This post is in my way, an apology to them, preparation for you future mamas, and a warning for those of you with friends who are baby mamas.
When there’s a new baby mama:
DON’T come to visit empty handed. Trust me. She is starving. Swing by the store, grab something from your freezer, or my all time favorite, Popeyes, before you visit the sleep deprived, hungry woman. The sight of you coming into her home to visit with your well nourished self will cause her to sob or just become pissed off.
DON’T Sleep in front of a new mom, talk about how much sleep you got after a long weekend/hangover, or pray in a sleeping position. Remember, she is sleep deprived, and will become pissed off.
DO come to visit the new baby mama, but DON’T overstay your welcome. I had the perfect guest a couple of weeks ago. Our friend Andy came over WITH Chipotle for me, and said as soon as he entered “Just let me know when you need to put him down or whatever. I can leave whenever you need me to.” WOW! That small statement gave me the freedom to enjoy catching up, while knowing that I didn’t have to feel rude when baby needed me to go down to put him in his straightjacket to bed. When baby starts crying, and mother looks frazzled, either ask to help, or ask if it would be a good time to leave. It sucks trying to entertain you and comfort a baby.
DON’T talk about what a great time you had sippin’ lattes, going to the movies, and having a girls night to a new baby mama. At least for the first 6 months. Just. Shush.
DO pray for new baby mamas all the frickin time. Lay hands on that woman when you see her. Text her to let her know that you are praying for her. Send her encouraging emails.Tell everyone you know to pray for her. Those prayers will keep her.
DON’T come to visit a new baby mama in your glammed up, going out gear. Don’t come with make-up on, your hair did, or the cute shoes that you know she will admire. You’re just flaunting your fabulous life, and that ain’t right. The appropriate wardrobe for baby mama visiting is :sweatshirt, pants, plain shoes, no accessories, minimal makeup, and a few “my life is tiring too” sighs. Anything else, will probably piss her off.
DO come to visit, just to help around the house. Sometimes, mamas just need a clean, organized space to feel better. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to have my sister visit last week. Although she can’t help so much with Chi, she takes every opportunity to make sure that the kitchen is cleaned, floors are swept, and baby clothes get put in the appropriate place.
DON’T be late. EVER. This is probably the most serious and most frequently occurring offense. If a mama gives you a specific time that would be best, trust that she has strategically planned her day accordingly. She has fed the baby, and knows that he will need his next feeding ‘X’ amount of minutes post your meeting. She knows when baby needs to go to sleep, and if you are late, you have thrown everything off, thus causing baby to go into meltdown, mom to go into super meltdown, the rest of her day’s schedule is off, and you are to blame for ruining the world. And of course, she is pissed.
DO ask how she is doing. So often, friends and loved ones forget that mama is adjusting to a crazy new life. Don’t forget about her while you cuddle with her bundle. She may need some hugs too.
DON’T just reach for her baby without washing your grubby hands. OK, possible correction: Don’t just reach for MY baby without washing your grubby hands. I don’t care WHO you are, how close we are, or if you just washed them before you came into my house. I need to see your hands wet with soap or hand sanitizer.
DO wait until you are healthy before trying to visit mama and baby. The last thing that mama wants is a sick baby, so don’t be offended if she asks for you to reschedule your visiting. (Also, mamas, DON’T be afraid to tell anyone to stay away while sick!)
DO tell mama that she is doing a good job. Seriously. Even if the house is a mess, she hasn’t showered in days, and she’s eaten take out for the past month, the baby is still alive, and that’s all that really matters.
What other Do’s and Don’ts do you have, mama’s? What advice for friends/future mamas do you have that would lessen the Baby Mama Drama?
*This post was written 1 week ago
Yesterday was a hard day. Harder than most days. I got peed on, projectile vomited on, and spit up got in my mouth. Twice. The highlight of my day was taking a 10 minute shower while baby monster boy slept. When the water got to just the perfect temperature, and it was all that i could hear, I let myself dream. I pretended as if I were getting ready for a night on the town. I mentally perused my closet, thinking of what outfit, accessories and of course shoes I would wear. I took off my shower cap so that my hair could get just a little moist to make my coils pop. I thought of what makeup I would wear. Would I go for a natural look with a nude lip? Smokey eyes with a nude lip? Ohh! What about a shimmery natural eye with a bold pink lip?! Yes. That would be my look. And then…I heard it.
Crying.
Pop. There goes my perfect fantasy.
“As if I have anywhere to go anyways”. I grumbled as I turned off the shower to tend to my baby.
As I shared in http://www.naturallyeva.com/81/baby-mama-drama-pt-1, your life drastically changes with motherhood. Although the physical changes are difficult, they are expected, and so they come a bit more easily. Some of the harder changes for me have been the ones that I didn’t think about happening. It kind of goes like this:
You get pregnant, and EVERYONE, including strangers are excited for you. Your friends and family from thousands of miles away encourage you to eat whatever you like, heck, they send you things to eat! Everyone wants to be near you to rub your belly and talk to your baby in the womb. Although you’re getting rounder and more tired, you are still invited to outings, although they are becoming less frequent. Your friends are now expecting you to be too sore/tired/hormonal to go out to enjoy long nights, so they don’t invite you to things like bars (well duh), or long evenings, but for the most part, you still have a social life. Then, your beautiful miracle comes into the world, and he/she is the apple of everyone’s eye. You love showing off your baby, and you enjoy the fawning, although you are in a sleep deprived stupor. And then, one day you realize:
1. What about me?! Very few people have asked how YOU are doing.
2. The highlight of your month has been the super long 10 minute shower you got 2 weeks ago, and the you can’t remember the last time that you saw the outside of your home.
Things just change. I wish someone would’ve prepped me for this. It has been 6 weeks since I’ve been out with friends. 6 weeks! (It was a grand ole time though. We all hauled our little hams to a cute little french restaurant, and inhaled as much food as we could before they turned into vicious boob monsters hungry, cute babies.)
I emailed my boob whisperer a couple of weeks ago regarding some questions about Chi’s schedule and she quickly responded, reminding me to spend time with other moms. As I’m going through one of the hardest months of my life, I realize how very necessary that is for my sanity. Baby Mama drama that many are not expecting is that your friendships will change. Some of them will just fall quickly through the cracks of your new motherhood and your girlfriends’ and their fun, exciting, single lives. Others will fade in and out, trying desperately to hold on, but you will feel the relationships shifting.
I have been so thankful to the Lord for other parents in my life. It’s like a secret club, where we all know what’s going on. It has been the prayers of those other parents that have kept me going. (Serious thank you to my dear brother Keith and the Urbana intercessing team). Only parents understand the desperate need that you have to get out of the house, and the extreme preparation that it takes with a little one in tow. And parents are the only ones who are persistent in getting you out of the house, inviting you and that little gobbler to a quick lunch or coffee, or better yet, bringing dinner to your place for a group hangout.
Motherhood, especially while staying at home, is extremely lonely. And exhausting. I have been so aware of my need for people in my life. Not once a month people, but other parents who understand, who can cry with and for you, and help you see the humor in the crazy journey of parenthood. I have never really felt a strong need for friends, constant company until now.
I realize that it may be a while before I’m able to zip up my cute knee high boots, and play in my make-up; but I’m thankful for the times of sweat pants and chinese take out with friends as we talk about the sleepless nights, poop explosions, and the things that we miss from ‘the other world’. It makes you feel more normal. It makes you remember that you’re not missing out on fun. Instead, you’re engaging with real life.
*The first in a series of drama for the mama
“At first I thought I was trippin’, but my vision gettin’ clearer. You movin that thang around as if you practice in the mirror…”
:Sigh, as inappropriate as this song is, it is often what I think of when I walk down the stairs. Or up the stairs. Or when I try to squeeze my new hips into my size 1 skinny jeans. Let’s just say I stretched the skinny out of those suckers.
Things are just moving around without my consent.
There are a lot of changes that you experience as a new mom. For starters, after having your hoo-ha seen, and examined on a very regular basis during pregnancy, and then, well, giving birth, there is a newfound appreciation for your body. It’s like, Gumby, and you’re frickin happy that God designed us to…err..snap back if you will.
And so while I am appreciating my mother’s body, I am confused as to what to do with alla this. I gained 45 pounds total during my pregnancy. 4 months later, I have lost 37 of those pounds. Even though that’s the bulk of my weight, somethin’ just ain’t right. For starters, my feet. My second toe is almost as long as my first toe. This was never the case! It was always a curled up shrimp of a thing. Now, it’s long, and it scares me. I think this will really affect my dancing (whenever I get my behind back to the studio).
Secondly, there are these hips. Where. the heck. did these come from? Ah yes…my pelvis did have to expand to let a baby out. I had no idea that I would gain hips and that they were here to stay! I’ve always wanted hips. It’s just that I’d already mourned my lack of hips and other things womanly during high school when everyone else got their boobs (and boob jobs…I’m from Miami), and I was left looking for a grown up training bra. But here they are. Hips! After I’ve already established a winning wardrobe!
I won’t even talk about the obvious change for me, but, the not so expected, has been my ribcage. Yes. My ribcage has expanded by 2 inches. I’ve checked. Over and over and over again. Sigh. Nobody told me.
At about 3 months postpartum, I started noticing that my hair was very interested in the floor as opposed to my body. Out it came everytime I touched it. But that was expected. I did know that I would shed like a fake fur after its’ first wash. What I didn’t know, was that it would disappear. LIke literally, frikin bald spots. 3 of them. I cried when I realized that I couldn’t hide my male pattern baldness any longer from Matt. He hugged me and assured me that it would grow back and that I was still beautiful. I’m sure that was just a ploy to make me reciprocate the kind words in 20 years or so. Just joking…maybe. lol
My thighs are bigger. My back is achier. My feet are tender in the mornings. And I’ve got stretch marks to prove that I sustained life in my belly. Although I’m trying to re-learn my body, trying to understand what it likes to be adorned with now, and appreciate the seemingly huge difference, it is all a very small price to pay for the priceless gift of motherhood.
I made a deal with Jesus a couple of days ago. It went something like this:
I will honor my baby boy. I will follow your Spirit’s promptings. Help me to become sensitive to Your Spirit, so that I may be more sensitive to the needs of my baby. Help me to really follow you Jesus, in sacrificing my energy, time, pleasure, and body for my baby boy. Let me listen more acutely to your Spirit as You urge me to respond to my baby’s cries with the deepest empathy. Help me to savor his smiles, coos, and delight in me. May I drink in the fullness of your grace, so that I might fill my baby with beautiful things.
:sigh:
And tonight as Matt and I swap Rocking duty, I found this beautiful letter written from mother to child. I could not have written it better. I’m thankful for that Mother tonight. Tonight, I can rock my baby to sleep, knowing that soon, he will get it. He will go to sleep on his own, without my touch, without my voice, without my smell. And when he does, when he really gets it, I know that I’ll want to go back to these days.These days of being needed by him so desperately. These days of him waking as soon as my scent leaves his little nose. These days of him thinking that my arms hold paradise. I will want these days again, I’m sure. So till then, I will wait.
First, Thank you Jesus for making wine out of water. :Takes big gulp of cheap, bottled Sangria: It’s been cray cray over in the Stauffer house. I have been wanting to do so many things:
but, motherhood calls, and motherhood ain’t for the faint at heart. I’ve been struggling with my little booger, and consequently, I’ve been struggling to get a good grasp on my life. I keep telling myself, ‘Girl, get yo’ life! ‘, and instead of taking the time that I do have to exercise, or do things that will invigorate me, I crawl into bed, with yesterdays spit up and drool on my clothes, and…I think about sleep. Even when Chi is asleep and i have the opportunity sleep, I’m watching the monitor while I try to do laundry or clean, or take Pickles to the courtyard to do his business while I get the side eye from the neighbors. :Rolls eye. I pay rent. I pick up his poop. Mind ya’ business.:
So, if I say this out loud, on my blog, I think I will make it happen because, well, I’m a sucker for keeping my spoken words. So, THIS WEEK, I will start P90x. Yes, ladies and gents, it’s about to get real. I have 11 pounds left to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I’m hoping to lose maybe 6 of those. I’d like a little junk to stay in my trunk;) My main goal is to tone up, and to get more energy by exercising.
So there you have it. I ordered a tape measure a couple of days ago, so it should be here soon. The day it comes is the day that I will start.
Does anyone want to join me? Holler if you do!