Run Away Mama

:Sigh: I don’t know where to start…but have you ever just felt like running away?! Ohmygawdi’msotired!!! This isn’t going to be one of those posts that ends with a moral, or a smile, or a “but life is great” take-away. No, this is going to be pretty monotonous straight through.

I am so overwhelmed with this ONE child that I have. Don’t get me wrong; he is soo cute, and hilarious, and takes up most of the love in my heart. He is a beautiful blessing, blah blah blah, I’ve said it all before, but he is more work than I feel I can handle! I can take the climbing on the couch, in drawers, knocking over cups of water, throwing everything in sight, using his plate of food as a frisbee, constant stank poos, tantrums when all of the orange, or raspberries, or grapes are eaten, because that’s what babies do. They destroy, poop, cry and eat. But what I can’t take are the daily battles( 2-3 times per day) for sleep. I’msoexhaustedIcan’tbreath!!!

You’ve seen my posts on facebook, you’ve probably gotten a frantic email/text/facebook message asking you for advice on how to tame my monster  soothe my cherub to sleep, but GOT-DOGGIT (that’s Black talk right there), nothing works! I  am  was am against Cry It Out Methods for Chi. I see how it works for some babies and hell, if I am ever drunk enough  blessed to have another baby, I will seriously consider it. At around 10 months after battling with Malachi at naps, bedtime (pretty much exactly what we’re still doing at 13 months), our pediatrician suggested that we give it a try. We did. We were successful at first. But instead of getting progressively easier (baby cries for 15 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 5, then,baby magically puts themselves to sleep!) this mutant baby got progressively worse. A lot worse. My instincts told me that something was off, so after talking to the doctor, she suggested we stop, and assumed that he was at the peak of separation anxiety. She suggested we start again after 12 months.

Is this even coherent? Look, the point is…ain’t nothing working and I feel like my emotional ish is about to hit the fan. I can’t imagine having another baby (I used to want such a big family!) .I am emotionally and physically drained! Although Chi’s night sleep has gotten much better (wakes only 3x/night), I’m still rocking him for naps until drowsy, which can take a minute, then he wakes 30-45 minutes later still very tired but refusing to sleep. The afternoon nap is even worse. Usually I have no choice but to let him cry for 10+minutes because he pretends to be full of energy as soon as I place him in his crib, so I leave. When I come back he finally submits and falls asleep. Only to wake 30-45 minutes later.

I have:

  • read every book
  • watched every sleepy cue
  • put him on a schedule
  • changed the schedule
  • went back to the schedule
  • read every sleep article on the net
  • watched every sleep video
  • hired a sleep doula
  • anointed him and his room
  • fasted
  • prayed like crazy
  • begged him to sleep
  • cried
  • screamed
  • locked myself in the closet
  • danced for the sleep gods
  • binged on ice cream
  • had several pity parties
  • researched tubal ligation vs. vasectomy (I’m NOT repeating THIS ordeal) (i’m not joking. This will soon be a serious post in my ‘Marriage’ category)

Please, please, please help me. I am so in need of prayer, encouragement, stories of how awful your babies were. Please don’t tell me about your angel baby who slept through the night in the womb (whatever that means). I want to hear about AWFUL babies…to make me feel better :hangs head:

Sigh.

And, I apologize if you’ve seen me out in public in the past few weeks. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and damn near cried.

I just want to run away. Real talk.

:sniffle:

 

4 Responses to “Run Away Mama”

  1. Brieanne

    Oh dear, sleep issues are no fun. As I’ve explained before, we had lots of problems with Logan and he still continues (at almost 18 mo.) to be challenging at times. We recently went through a couple weeks of waking up super early and sometimes multiple times at night. His naps at daycare are (supposedly) awesome, but at home it’s a miracle if he sleeps longer than 45 minutes. During his bad weeks I’m slightly ashamed to say we did a few car naps.
    Having little sleep yourself compounds the problem ten-fold. And books and articles never seem to acknowledge that methods DON’T work for EVERY child. I never read anything that made any caveat for WHAT IF the method didn’t work. We did end up using cry-it-out with Logan and it did help us. Of course, every family and child is different, so I am not claiming this is the solution. We just got to the point that the stress/sleeplessness outweighed our dislike of the method. Logan has a very strong will, so he can sure cry it out every once in a while even now.

    Reply
  2. Nancy Green

    so….with my first baby (sara), the doctor told me that when i got home from the hospital, i should put the baby in her crib, walk out and close the door. well, i did….and even though she cried every day from 4-7, she mostly slept at night.

    then since she was such an easy, fun and happy baby, and since that silly diaphragm was just so much trouble, i ended up pregnant again when she was…oh….5 months old. so we moved into a smaller place and my goal in life was to keep this baby (Matthew) quiet. Dont wake daddy, he has to work. Dont wake Sara, i am shipping her off to day care in the morning. So don’t cry. Of course that meant that said baby was spoiled rotten and since he was also so darn smart, learned in no time that if he cried – i came – no matter what time of day or night. in fact, he didnt walk until he was 13 months old and I put him in day care. he could…but why bother, if I would pick him up?

    Finally they slept through the night….at ….maybe 4 and 5. years, not months. seriously. i lived tired.

    sara has had the same problem with her youngest, micah. micah was a screamer. he would cry and scream for no reason from the time he woke up til the time he went to sleep…and only ever slept 3 hours at a time. i dont know how many times i got a phone call saying….mom, can you come over here before i hurt him? and i would let her sleep and just hold him, or walk around outside, or anything so she could sleep. she says now that the first two years of his life was the most miserable time of hers. she was depressed, tired and really didnt like him very much. But he will be 5 two weeks from today and she likes him now. they both lived.

    i feel your pain, and i have no advice for you that you havent tried – except maybe benadryl….but thats like drugging the kid….

    but i sure will pray!!!!

    Reply
  3. Bethany

    oh no!! i’m so sorry- life is awful without sleep; I can fully relate. i wish i could take him off your hands for a while so you could just go home and nap. If you ever want to come to orlando- I’ll take both of our boisterous boys out for at least an hour and a half and let you borrow our bed!

    My little guy is full of “personality” right now- which basically means temper tantrums all the time over any little thing (including having to leave daycare to go home)- which leads me to wonder does he even like me a little? Sometimes that thought can bring me to tears. I’m just constantly wondering “what now God, how can I keep it all together?” I just keep getting “steward him wisely, he’s myn for a brief time and for a reason.”

    you are the BEST MOM EVER for your son, that’s why God gave him to you. i will keep praying for you guys. maybe you can find a daycare that will let him stay just 1 or 2 days a week….

    Reply
  4. Eva

    Oh, mamas, thank y’all so much for the love, encouragement, and awful moments with your babies! Whenever I’m feeling really down, it really does help to know that I am not alone, nor am I an exception. Thank you.

    Brie, there’s no shame in the car naps! Oh, how I wish I could depend on those for Chi!

    Nancy, ohmygosh, the stories you shared actually made me feel like I might, maybe, have it a little better than some! lol. I’m hoping to have dinner with your beautiful daughter to hear her horror stories 🙂

    Bethany, girl, I might just show up on your doorstep! I know what you mean about “personality”. Chi has soo much of it. And I know you know this, but your little man loves you so much, and of course he likes you! You’re his mama, the best person in his world! And I am looking into daycare options!

    Reply

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