Baby Mama Drama Pt. 2

*This post was written 1 week ago

Yesterday was a hard day. Harder than most days. I got peed on, projectile vomited on, and spit up got in my mouth. Twice. The highlight of my day was taking a 10 minute shower while baby  monster  boy slept. When the water got to just the perfect temperature, and it was all that i could hear, I let myself dream. I pretended as if I were getting ready for a night on the town. I mentally perused my closet, thinking of what outfit, accessories and of course shoes I would wear. I took off my shower cap so that my hair could get just a little moist to make my coils pop. I thought of what makeup I would wear. Would I go for a natural look with a nude lip? Smokey eyes with a nude lip? Ohh! What about a shimmery natural eye with a bold pink lip?! Yes. That would be my look. And then…I heard it.

Crying.

Pop. There goes my perfect fantasy.

“As if I have anywhere to go anyways”. I grumbled as I turned off the shower to tend to my baby.

As I shared in http://www.naturallyeva.com/81/baby-mama-drama-pt-1, your life drastically changes with motherhood. Although the physical changes are difficult, they are expected, and so they come a bit more easily. Some of the harder changes for me have been the ones that I didn’t think about happening. It kind of goes like this:

You get pregnant, and EVERYONE, including strangers are excited for you. Your friends and family from thousands of miles away encourage you to eat whatever you like, heck, they send you things to eat! Everyone wants to be near you to rub your belly and talk to your baby in the womb. Although you’re getting rounder and more tired, you are still invited to outings, although they are becoming less frequent. Your friends are now expecting you to be too sore/tired/hormonal to go out to enjoy long nights, so they don’t invite you to things like bars (well duh), or long evenings, but for the most part, you still have a social life. Then, your beautiful miracle comes into the world, and he/she is the apple of everyone’s eye. You love showing off your baby, and you enjoy the fawning, although you are in a sleep deprived stupor. And then, one day you realize:

1. What about me?! Very few people have asked how YOU are doing.

2. The highlight of your month has been the super long 10 minute shower you got 2 weeks ago, and the you can’t remember the last time that you saw the outside of your home.

Things just change. I wish someone would’ve prepped me for this. It has been 6 weeks since I’ve been out with friends. 6 weeks! (It was a grand ole time though. We all hauled our little hams to a cute little french restaurant, and inhaled as much food as we could before they turned into vicious boob monsters  hungry, cute babies.)

I emailed my boob whisperer a couple of weeks ago regarding some questions about Chi’s schedule and she quickly responded, reminding me to spend time with other moms. As I’m going through one of the hardest months of my life, I realize how very necessary that is for my sanity. Baby Mama drama that many are not expecting is that your friendships will change. Some of them will just fall quickly through the cracks of your new motherhood and your girlfriends’ and their fun, exciting, single lives. Others will fade in and out, trying desperately to hold on, but you will feel the relationships shifting.

I have been so thankful to the Lord for other parents in my life. It’s like a secret club, where we all know what’s going on. It has been the prayers of those other parents that have kept me going. (Serious thank you to my dear brother Keith and the Urbana intercessing team). Only parents understand the desperate need that you have to get out of the house, and the extreme preparation that it takes with a little one in tow. And parents are the only ones who are persistent in getting you out of the house, inviting you and that little gobbler to a quick lunch or coffee, or better yet, bringing dinner to your place for a group hangout.

Motherhood, especially while staying at home, is extremely lonely. And exhausting. I have been so aware of my need for people in my life. Not once a month people, but other parents who understand, who can cry with and for you, and help you see the humor in the crazy journey of parenthood. I have never really felt a strong need for friends, constant company until now.

I realize that it may be a while before I’m able to zip up my cute knee high boots, and play in my make-up; but I’m thankful for the times of sweat pants and chinese take out with friends as we talk about the sleepless nights, poop explosions, and the things that we miss from ‘the other world’. It makes you feel more normal. It makes you remember that you’re not missing out on fun. Instead, you’re engaging with real life.

4 Responses to “Baby Mama Drama Pt. 2”

  1. grace at {gabbing with grace}

    First of all, big hugs. I totally understand and have been there before! And, I am to some extent there now…though the breastfeeding years are markedly different.

    When we had Ransom I tried to push through some of that by taking him with me as many places as I could just so I could get out. I took him to the movies often during the day when I know he’d nurse and then sleep throughout the movie. I took him to the mall where I know he’d happily ride in the stroller for hours. Ransom was a bit of an angel baby and didn’t cry much so this worked for us, and I don’t know about Chi but just push yourself to get past the apprehension and get OUT!

    I almost hate to say this, but things are 10 times worse with two. Our life has been drastically & significantly difficult since bring the 2nd baby home! All those things I did with Ran were no longer a viable option with one toddler running and one crying baby. Rhys was NOT an angel baby by any stretch of anyone’s imagination. Since he’s turned 3 we’ve only just now begin to feel like somewhat normal people again. We barely ever go out and having a date is damn near impossible, which was something we made time for when it was just little googly-eyed Ransom.

    I’m also feeling incredibly discouraged as a mama right now b/c the kids take up every minute of every day when I’m home…require so much energy with all their wrestling and incessant demands for playing and attention. I just feel completely exhausted and it’s just not financially viable for us to pay someone to watch two kids (well first to find someone) while we go out. Hang out time is very few and far between.

    So, all that to say….try and enjoy this time where it’s just the 3 of you…and work hard to evenly share the baby load if possible even if that means giving him a bottle now and then so you can have a break.

    And trust me, when & if you have more, you will be like “what did I do with all that extra time??” as incomprehensible as that sounds it’s true! Dave & I marvel at all the freedoms we had when it was just Ransom for those 4 years!

    All that to say, while these years of having young kids are certainly difficult and overwhelming God’s gifts are abundant and I’m trying to learn to love what God has for me in this time and live more in the moment.

    also, we are probably not having any more….well, past our margins!

    You will make it! As for community…can you join a local MOPS group or something like that?

    (((hugs)))

    Reply
    • Eva

      First off, thank you so much for taking the time to write this, Grace. I know how busy you are as a mama/blogger/writer/wife/her royal flyness 😉 Seriously, I thank you for sharing your experience and tips of the trade. I feel you on feeling exhausted. I just don’t know where the days go! It is difficult getting out of the house when it’s so dang on cold and we only have one car, but soon! I plan on getting this booger out. Chi is a very chill baby, so I could take him out and he wouldn’t really cry…until nightfall. Then it’s trying to wrestle him down for 3+ hours. :cringes at thought: Gosh, I don’t know how you do it with 2 of them. Speaking of your little ones, wow! Rhys is 3 already? I remember seeing the picture of you announcing your pregnancy! Crazy! I pray for ridiculous amounts of grace and peace for you!
      (receiving that hug!)

      Reply
  2. Tarasue-Maness

    I can truly understand and sympathize with you. Hang in there, they really are a joy and soon you will be able to be somewhat more flexible. I must agree though, they change our lives forever and make us really learn what it means to be “selfless”.

    Reply

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