Before being a mama, I had plenty of friends with kids. This post is in my way, an apology to them, preparation for you future mamas, and a warning for those of you with friends who are baby mamas.
When there’s a new baby mama:
DON’T come to visit empty handed. Trust me. She is starving. Swing by the store, grab something from your freezer, or my all time favorite, Popeyes, before you visit the sleep deprived, hungry woman. The sight of you coming into her home to visit with your well nourished self will cause her to sob or just become pissed off.
DON’T Sleep in front of a new mom, talk about how much sleep you got after a long weekend/hangover, or pray in a sleeping position. Remember, she is sleep deprived, and will become pissed off.
DO come to visit the new baby mama, but DON’T overstay your welcome. I had the perfect guest a couple of weeks ago. Our friend Andy came over WITH Chipotle for me, and said as soon as he entered “Just let me know when you need to put him down or whatever. I can leave whenever you need me to.” WOW! That small statement gave me the freedom to enjoy catching up, while knowing that I didn’t have to feel rude when baby needed me to go down to put him
in his straightjacket to bed. When baby starts crying, and mother looks frazzled, either ask to help, or ask if it would be a good time to leave. It sucks trying to entertain you and comfort a baby.
DON’T talk about what a great time you had sippin’ lattes, going to the movies, and having a girls night to a new baby mama. At least for the first 6 months. Just. Shush.
DO pray for new baby mamas all the frickin time. Lay hands on that woman when you see her. Text her to let her know that you are praying for her. Send her encouraging emails.Tell everyone you know to pray for her. Those prayers will keep her.
DON’T come to visit a new baby mama in your glammed up, going out gear. Don’t come with make-up on, your hair did, or the cute shoes that you know she will admire. You’re just flaunting your fabulous life, and that ain’t right. The appropriate wardrobe for baby mama visiting is :sweatshirt, pants, plain shoes, no accessories, minimal makeup, and a few “my life is tiring too” sighs. Anything else, will probably piss her off.
DO come to visit, just to help around the house. Sometimes, mamas just need a clean, organized space to feel better. I can’t tell you how wonderful it was to have my sister visit last week. Although she can’t help so much with Chi, she takes every opportunity to make sure that the kitchen is cleaned, floors are swept, and baby clothes get put in the appropriate place.
DON’T be late. EVER. This is probably the most serious and most frequently occurring offense. If a mama gives you a specific time that would be best, trust that she has strategically planned her day accordingly. She has fed the baby, and knows that he will need his next feeding ‘X’ amount of minutes post your meeting. She knows when baby needs to go to sleep, and if you are late, you have thrown everything off, thus causing baby to go into meltdown, mom to go into super meltdown, the rest of her day’s schedule is off, and you are to blame for ruining the world. And of course, she is pissed.
DO ask how she is doing. So often, friends and loved ones forget that mama is adjusting to a crazy new life. Don’t forget about her while you cuddle with her bundle. She may need some hugs too.
DON’T just reach for her baby without washing your grubby hands. OK, possible correction: Don’t just reach for MY baby without washing your grubby hands. I don’t care WHO you are, how close we are, or if you just washed them before you came into my house. I need to see your hands wet with soap or hand sanitizer.
DO wait until you are healthy before trying to visit mama and baby. The last thing that mama wants is a sick baby, so don’t be offended if she asks for you to reschedule your visiting. (Also, mamas, DON’T be afraid to tell anyone to stay away while sick!)
DO tell mama that she is doing a good job. Seriously. Even if the house is a mess, she hasn’t showered in days, and she’s eaten take out for the past month, the baby is still alive, and that’s all that really matters.
What other Do’s and Don’ts do you have, mama’s? What advice for friends/future mamas do you have that would lessen the Baby Mama Drama?